


(I'm still rocking your) hoodie

by itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN (alex_marie1324)



Series: songfics [17]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ANOTHER SAD SONGFIC FROM ALEX????? REVOLUTINARY! UNHEARD OF!, Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Crying, M/M, Sadness, Songfic, anyway lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 04:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12473780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_marie1324/pseuds/itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN
Summary: Jeremy couldn’t keep Michael, so he keeps his hoodie.inspo





	(I'm still rocking your) hoodie

**Author's Note:**

> y’all have this post/person to blame for any hurt feelings 
> 
> yes this is another sad songfic i’d like to call this “Alex has no sense of originality”

Jeremy couldn’t keep Michael, so he keeps his hoodie.

Jeremy feels disgusting. He isn’t sure why he still has it, why he still has Michael’s hoodie, but he won’t let it go.

Sometimes, he’ll slide it over his head and just lay in it. Absorb how much he misses Michael. Soak in his self-pity. Those are the worse days, he supposes. Better days are when he sees the hoodie hanging in his closest and thinks _maybe I could get rid of it today._ But he never does. He can’t.

It’s all he has left of Michael. Michael, who wouldn’t even look his way anymore. Michael, who definitely deserved better the whole time anyway. Michael, whose lips and hair were soft and smile was sweet. That smile isn’t directed at Jeremy anymore, though.

All he has is the stupid hoodie.

The patches had started to come loose, so he sews them back on. Anything to keep it as close to how it was when Michael wore it everyday.

He doesn’t ever bother to fix the burn marks from blunts, found them almost endearing; the last marks of Michael’s existence within the hoodie. They remind him of long nights in Michael’s basement with smoke curling around them as they talked about life and asked stupid questions.

He would give anything to hear Michael ask something ridiculous again. He’s not sure who Michael spends that time with now, but he hopes they’re good to him.

Sometimes putting on the hoodie brings him back to that day.

_Michael stands with feet planted firmly on the ground just outside on Jeremy’s porch._

_“I can’t do this anymore,” he says coldly._

_“Michael-”_

_“I can’t take it, Jeremy!” He snaps. “And when I try to talk you don’t want to listen! For God’s sake, you’re so blind, Jeremy.”_

_“What’re you talking about?” Jeremy asks desperately._

_“I’m in love with you!” Michael explodes suddenly. “I’m in love with you and you’re so fucking stupid! And I’m so tired of this,” he gestures between them, “you act like we’re dating sometimes, and sometimes I think I have a right to hope, right? But you’re so-” he makes a frustrated noise, “you don’t even know, but you’re tearing me apart.”_

_Jeremy is silent. He doesn’t know how to respond. How does one handle their best friend being in love with them? And being told that they’ve been, subsequently, hurting them?_

_“And even now! You can’t even justify me with an answer, or- or something!” Michael kicks the ground. “Jesus!”_

_“I don’t know what you want me to say.”_

_“Just- tell me if you love me back or not.”_

_Jeremy bites his lip. He’s not sure. He’s never thought about it, never thought about liking his best friend as more than… well, a best friend._

_“I don’t.”_

_And so Michael leaves. It’s no dramatic exit; he just nods and walks to his car. And Jeremy doesn’t stop him._

_He doesn’t realize it’s the last time he’ll talk to Michael. He never thinks to ask Michael to stay, he wonders if he would’ve if Jeremy had asked._

It wasn’t until about a week after that incident that Jeremy discovered Michael’s hoodie still in his room.

_Oh._

He picks it up and without even getting having to smell it, he’s hit with the scent of Michael. Cinnamon and weed. _What a weird combination_ , he thinks, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He’s not sure when he realized he was in love with Michael, but it stabs him deep. _I love him, and it’s too late. He’s gone._

Michael always planned on going somewhere far for college, but Jeremy didn’t think he’d ever just… stop talking to anyone from high school. Him included.

He tries to call, but Michael never picks up. He tries to text, but Michael never reads the messages. Michael has to know that he left his hoodie behind, he wore it everyday for two years. He has to know that, at the very least, his hoodie is back in the New Jersey.

But Michael never comes back to New Jersey. Jeremy thinks a lot about why, trying to come up with an excuse other than _he doesn’t want to see you; you broke his heart._

Jeremy knows that if Michael ever does come back, if he ever asks for his hoodie back, Jeremy would hand it over unquestioningly. And maybe try and say ‘I love you’ even if it’s hopeless. Even if there’s no way Michael _hasn’t_ moved on. Because that’s what you do when someone breaks your heart, you move on.

He’s not sure when the hoodie stops smelling like Michael. But he knows that when he realizes this, he sobs.

It’s hardly even Michael’s hoodie anymore.


End file.
